you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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