You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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