Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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