come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
