Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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