i jhust puked up my retainher.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
