OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
