Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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