ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
