I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
