i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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