May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
