this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
