I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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