she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
