Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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