i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
