When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
