I'm so fucking centered right now
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
