sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
