Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
