Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
two words: eviction party
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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