There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
