it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
