Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
