I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
