i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
