I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
