I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
