it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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