I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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