I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize