Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
