My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize