I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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