So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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