eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize