Me. At least after what I've been through.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
