dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
