my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
even my farts smell like vagina
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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