How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
How external is "for external use only"?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
