I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
