He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
