Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
