I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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