another moral hangover. fuck.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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