I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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