Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
