I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
