I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
