You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
