Apparently you make a good broom.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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