There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
