Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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