Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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