So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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