what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
