I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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