Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
