Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
