So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
