I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
