Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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