P.S. I can't hear my feet
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
