You smell like a Billy Joel song
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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