Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize