There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
