Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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