Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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