the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
