Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
