i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
