A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
