what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
