Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
